My First Night In NYC

Alright, so I've been too busy until now to tell you guys what happened my very first night in this city, so here it goes...

After I got all my boxes loaded up, I decided to go wander around the streets by myself and just take in the city. I walked around Times Square and it was such a mess of people. Then I went down to Union Square where there were these kids skateboarding and as I go to walk by, one of them skated right into me and tried to pick a fight. They were such assholes but I didn't want to start my NYC experience out getting arrested so I left.

Walked down through the village and stumbled across a bar that I can't remember the name of at the moment. Anyway, this old leather daddy dude walks out and sees me and I started laughing because I'd never seen a leatherdaddy so up close before. Then the guy pulls me aside and starts talking to me and asking me questions like where I'm from and shit. Next thing I know, he's offering to take me back to his apartment where, yes, here it comes - he had a dungeon. A real live fucking dungeon. He said he wanted to strap me into a sling and feed me raw meat and at that point I told him I was flattered but had to leave to go walk my dog (which I don't have). Then he joked that maybe he could put me in a leash and walk us both and I just ran for the nearest subway - which I have to say is major pain in the ass trying to find a subway stop in the village. Anyway, I made it home safe and sound, and did not get locked up in a dungeon. But seriously, what the fuck's wrong with people in this city?